Pencil or crayon?Endless Jokes
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Yankee in Oz
- Posts: 59
- Joined: Wed Mar 25, 2020 2:44 am
Re: Endless Jokes
Some very funny ones here. Thanks Spook. 
Re: Endless Jokes
Jacinda Ardern, Prime Minister of Nu Zulland, is awoken at 4am by the telephone.
“Jacinda, its the Hilth Munister here. Sorry to bother you at this hour but there is an emergincy!! I've jist received word thet the Durex factory en Aucklind hes burned to the ground. It is istimated that the entire Nu Zulland supply of condoms will be gone by the ind of the week."
PM: "Shut!! The economy wull niver be able to cope with all those unwanted babies. We will be ruined."
Hilth Munister: "We're going to haf to shup some in from Brutun?"
PM: "No chence. The Poms will have a field day on thus one."
Hilth Munister: "What about Australia?"
PM: "I'll call the Aussies. Tell them we need one million condoms, ten unches long and four unches thuck. That way they'll continue to respect the 'All Blacks'."
Three days later, a delighted Jacinda rushes out to open the boxes that arrived at the Pist Office. She finds one million condoms - 10 unches long, 4 unches thuck, all coloured green and gold with small writing on each one.
"MADE IN AUSTRALIA - SIZE: MEDIUM"
“Jacinda, its the Hilth Munister here. Sorry to bother you at this hour but there is an emergincy!! I've jist received word thet the Durex factory en Aucklind hes burned to the ground. It is istimated that the entire Nu Zulland supply of condoms will be gone by the ind of the week."
PM: "Shut!! The economy wull niver be able to cope with all those unwanted babies. We will be ruined."
Hilth Munister: "We're going to haf to shup some in from Brutun?"
PM: "No chence. The Poms will have a field day on thus one."
Hilth Munister: "What about Australia?"
PM: "I'll call the Aussies. Tell them we need one million condoms, ten unches long and four unches thuck. That way they'll continue to respect the 'All Blacks'."
Three days later, a delighted Jacinda rushes out to open the boxes that arrived at the Pist Office. She finds one million condoms - 10 unches long, 4 unches thuck, all coloured green and gold with small writing on each one.
"MADE IN AUSTRALIA - SIZE: MEDIUM"
Almost Normal Spook #4793
Re: Endless Jokes
YOU HAVE TO LOVE A GOOD NURSE...
A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well; however, the policeman kept feeling something pulling at his pubic hairs.
Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.
Taped firmly across his pubic hair and private parts were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily --- if at all.
Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence, "Get well soon from the nurse in the Land Rover you booked for speeding last week."
Kind of brings tears to your eyes doesn't it?
A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well; however, the policeman kept feeling something pulling at his pubic hairs.
Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.
Taped firmly across his pubic hair and private parts were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily --- if at all.
Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence, "Get well soon from the nurse in the Land Rover you booked for speeding last week."
Kind of brings tears to your eyes doesn't it?
Almost Normal Spook #4793