Ulysses Australia

Unusual, a government department with a sense of humour.

A day at the zoo
A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo.
She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with straps.
He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt.

As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla.
Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy.

He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and two feet he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand.
He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink dress.

The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny.

He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead.

Then the husband suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin.
She did... and the gorilla was about to tear the bars down.

"Now..... show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said. This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy and he started doing flips.

Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut....

Smiling, he says to his wife, "Now tell HIM you have a headache."

The teacher and the boots
He asked for help and she could see why.
Even with her pulling, and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on.
By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.
She almost cried when the little boy said, 'Teacher, they're on the wrong feet.'
She looked, and sure enough, they were. Unfortunately, it wasn't any easier pulling the boots off, than it was putting them on.
She managed to keep her cool as, together, they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the correct feet.
He then announced, 'These aren't my boots.'
She bit her tongue, rather than get right in his face and scream. 'Why didn't you say so?' like she wanted to.
Once again, she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner had they got the boots off when he said,
'They're my brother's boots. But my Mom made me wear 'em today.'
Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots BACK onto his feet again.
Helping him into his coat, she asked, 'Now, where are your mittens?'
He said, 'I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots...'
She'll be eligible for parole in three years.

If only...

You need to be a spooky ethereal being for that to work, Ken.